If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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