People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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