if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
