when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
