thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
