she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
