Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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