8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
