I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
