just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
