I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
