The maid of honor just puked.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
