i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
