Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
