Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
