Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
