all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
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ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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