so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
