Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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