I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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