I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
