There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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