I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
