I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
