I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
