me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
