before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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