false alarm. still invincible.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize