had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
