I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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