a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
