Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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