I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
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We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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