your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize