I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
