When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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