Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
