My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
