had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
should my penis look like a turkey
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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