Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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