I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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