the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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