He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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