Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
