White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
