Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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