it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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