I CAN MOONWALK!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
