Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
