I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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