Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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