guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
