guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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