I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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