I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
