Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
