Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
