Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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