dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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