Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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