I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
