I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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