Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Damn victory sex feels great
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
