a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
